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Lesbianing with AE! You’ve dropped for a pal, but really does she like girls? – AfterEllen


Hey Lindsey,

So I’ve been going insane with trying to puzzle out if my personal one buddy really likes me personally. Therefore listed here is some of the items that have happened….So when we 1st turned into pals she made a create a bear and said it absolutely was the infant following she wanted to fake go out and that I swear she used to be all flirty however when I shared with her that I liked the woman she had been all like I really like you too but just as a friend and I’m perplexed because I thought I was right and that I was just thinking won’t you think the same when someone performed that for your requirements?


Hey Becca,

I’ve found it best to believe folks if they tell me how they feel—best because the alternative is basically operating me insane 2nd guessing why their terms and steps never make, exactly what has evolved, and whether or not it had been some thing used to do. That type of crazy creating never ever gets myself everywhere. But also for quite a long time i acquired caught up in it, so I surely realize in which your face is located at.

Your friend actually into you. She loves you as a friend. You’re having problems believing their for the reason that her flirtatious behavior.

Here’s the thing, though. Your own friend could have planned to “fake day” you in an effort to see if she would need to really date you—and chose that she couldn’t should date you for so many valid explanations, a few of them getting:

• she actually is drawn to your body yet not mentally or vice versa

• she’s bicurious but not willing to date a woman

• this lady has thoughts for an ex and isn’t ready to be with any individual at this time

• She loves interest from women—and homosexual ladies readily give attention to various other females no matter what their unique sexuality


We’ve written about flirty relationships prior to, and
you can read about that right here
if it makes it possible to discover closing from whole situation.

You didn’t ask me personally exactly what your buddy was actually considering, however. You asked what I could have made of her behavior and also the response is: this will depend.

Discover absolutely instances i’d have thought she ended up being into me, because did. There are additionally instances i’d have observed through the woman conduct in order to comprehend that she desired my personal passion and interest, but would not reciprocate romantically.

You will find definitely times I would have presumed she had been into me, when you performed. Additionally there are instances I would have experienced through her conduct to appreciate that she desired my affection and interest, but would not reciprocate romantically.

Really does your own friend recognize as a lesbian, or has she ever before dated or slept with a lady? If she has been right identified until she mentioned she planned to fake big date you and have a bear infant, I quickly’d brush-off her behavior as typical flirty/bicurious directly lady. I might have flirted and been affectionate along with her if this made me feel great to accomplish this, not expected it end up as something real.

Certainly, for a few people, female sex is fluid several of these straight-identified women perform continue to accept their own bi or lesbian side, at some point, sometimes making use of the females they flirt with. It could happen—but it is unusual, and it’s frequently a waste of mental power to pursue those women.

Indeed, for some people, female sexuality is fluid many of the straight-identified ladies do embark on to accept their particular bi or lesbian area, at some point, often with the ladies they flirt with. Could happen—but it really is unusual, and it is typically a complete waste of mental electricity to follow those women.

Basically knew she appreciated women and she acted in that way, I would personally have thought I’d a chance along with her and may have expected the lady out. However, she made by herself clear. She wishes a friendship only. Perform the woman (while) the favor of thinking this lady, and locate somebody who is mentally offered and it is in fact a lesbian or bisexual.

If you need to pull-back through the friendship for a while, since you’ve considered there clearly was prospective and you’ve already been rebuffed, that is okay. Require some room with this friend until you’re able observe this lady platonically once more. Make use of that extra time to follow some other females and also make it clear to your girl mate that you will be driving for dateable females to erase any weirdness either people might be feeling.

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